Light of my Life
by tiana3826
Summary: Grissom's Christmas wish


**I own nothing dealing with CSI or the people in it…I just like to play with them for a little while!**

**Spoilers: Goodbye and Good luck I suppose…**

**A/N: Just a little Christmas drabble. Thought of this while I was in church Christmas Eve. Hope you enjoy!**

Light of my Life

"SARA! Sara, no don't. Don't leave….SARA!"

Grissom was thrashing in his bed for the third time this week alone. Sitting up quickly he took in his surroundings; dark curtains pulled in front of the windows, his clothes from the previous day scattered on the floor at the end of the bed, a picture of Sara smiling brightly on his night stand. Looking down he found Hank staring up at him with sad eyes.

Grissom and Hank had suffered a sad bonding after the past few months—both of them missed Sara terribly. They would both sulk around the house waiting for her return. Grissom never smiled anymore, and Hank had stopped being so hyper-active.

Grissom decided that he probably wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without having another nightmare about Sara so he chose to get up and out of bed instead. Throwing on a long sleeved t-shirt to go along with his pajama pants, he made his way out to the kitchen.

Putting on a pot of coffee, Grissom went over to the refrigerator. Looking at the calendar he noticed something he hadn't realized before, it was Christmas Eve. He hadn't even cared this year, not without Sara there. She is what made Christmas special over the past two years and without her, things just weren't the same.

It was his night off—actually he was forced to take three days off—but he was still wondering what he was going to do. In his mind, he had two options; sit by himself wallowing in self pity while he drinks the night away, or turn to the man that he gave up long ago and hope that things will go back to normal.

He chose the latter. After drinking a cup of coffee and taking care of the dog, Grissom decided to get ready for midnight mass. He showered and changed and was ready by 11:25pm. Walking past the counter Grissom did something he hadn't done in a long time, he grabbed the note pad Sara had left by the phone, and quickly wrote a note:

_Sara,_

_Just in case you have chosen to_

_Come home, I want you to know_

_That I went to the Midnight Mass._

_I love you Sara, Merry Christmas._

_Love, Gil_

He knew it was a long shot, but Grissom didn't want to take any chances in case Sara really did come home. With the note written, he headed out the door and to the church.

Entering the beautiful church filled with candles and families, Grissom chose a seat towards the back pew. He listened intently during the sermon, and prayed with concentration when asked to.

It was nearing the end of the service when the ushers came around to light the small candles that the people of the congregation held. The pianist started playing the beginning of "Silent Night" and the lights dimmed as more candles were lit. Soon the only light visible was that of the candles held high in the air.

Grissom stood near the back of church observing his surroundings. Directly in front of him he saw a young couple with their three children. The smallest boy standing on the pew being held in his mother's arms while he lifted up the small candle in his hand, the father who stood to the right, looked over at his wife and son and smiled.

He wondered what it would be like to have children with Sara. Would they go to church, would she hold their young son in her arms as Grissom watched her? Would that have made Sara happy?

Grissom then turned his attention to a couple in the back. They were older; he would guess late 80's. The man had a walker so he remained seated, but his wife stood tall next to him. The wife who was singing "Silent Night" looked down at her husband, covered his hand with hers and smiled down at him while a single tear slid down her face. As the woman looked up, she caught Grissom's eyes. Without knowing who he was, she smiled at him and mouthed "Merry Christmas son."

Turning back to the front, Grissom felt a tear escape his eyes. He thought of Sara, and how he wished they would end up like the old couple in the back of church. He wondered if she would still reach out to him when he was old and had a hard time walking. Would she be there to help him in his time of need?

Grissom closed his eyes and prayed one last time.

With his head down and his eyes closed, he never heard her walk up next to him. She placed her right hand on his left one that he had resting on the pew in front of him. Slowly he opened his eyes. Turning his head to the left he saw her, for the first time in months, he saw her. With tears streaming down both of their faces Sara finally managed a smile.

"Merry Christmas Gil," she whispered.

"Merry Christmas Sara," he whispered back.

"Silent Night" came to end, candles were being blown out, and the lights were turning back on. Sara and Grissom were both oblivious and they just stared into each other's eyes.

Sara squeezed his hand and then entwined their fingers together. "Let's go home."

Grissom happily followed her. Just as they were about to walk out of the giant church doors Grissom heard a voice behind them.

"I hope you two have a long wonderful life together." The elderly woman smiled, "Merry Christmas."

Grissom smiled down at Sara and together they looked at the elderly woman and replied, "Merry Christmas."


End file.
